JimNavy.com

Anyone know any great Navy jokes? I love ‘em. I work with a lot of vets from multiple branches and I’d love some fresh jokes to throw at them.

Here’s one I know, it’s kind of long.

So, these four 4 stars from each branch of service are having a discussion on which one of their branches have the most balls. It gets heated and there’s no real way to prove it so the Army general finally says, “Come with me guys, I’ll show you something.”

So, they head over to the nearest army base and the General finds the first soldier he runs accross. He says, “Soldier, I want you to take your rifle and shoot yourself dead!!”
The soldier sounds off, “YES SIR!” He pulls the rifle to his head and fires!
The general says, “THAT takes balls.”

The Air Force general says, “That’s nothing, lets go.” They head to the nearest AF base where the General finds the first pilot he can and says,”Captain, I want you to fly your jet into that mountain range and burn yourself alive!” The pilot sounds off, “YES SIR!” and does so without thinking. He dies a fiery death.
The general, “THAT takes balls.”

The Marine Corp General, not to be outdone, says, “Come with me boys, I’ve got you beat”
So, they head over to the nearest marine corp base and the General finds the first marine he runs accross. He says, “MARINE, I want you to lie down under that tank and let it CRUSH YOU feet first!”
The marine sounds off, “YES SIR!” He lays under the tank, it crushes him dead.
The General, “NOW THAT TAKES BALLS FAG****TS!”

They all looked at the Navy Admiral.,
Without pause he says, “You guys need to see this.”
They stepped aboard the USS Kitty Hawk and the Admiral looks up and finds a sailor working aloft over 100 ft in the air.
He yells up, “SAILOR! I want you to jump down and kill yourself!”

Without hesitation the sailor calls back, “SIR, with all due respect GO F**K YOURSELF!”
The Admiral says, Now THAT takes balls boys.”

Afghanistan—Many injured U.S. troops are actively lobbying for an additional six months of combat duty in Afghanistan to avoid returning to the United States to be treated at Walter Reed Army Medical Center in Washington.

I’ve heard too many horror stories to go back to that hellhole” said Marine Pfc. Jon Hillman, 22, who suffered severe injuries in a roadside bombing last week. “I’m perfectly happy in Afghanistan, where at least I know that the people wearing the same uniforms as me aren’t going to put my life at risk for no reason. Who knows what kind of inhumane acts I’d see there, halfway around the world.”

Hillman added that he was hoping to be sent back out to patrol Iraq’s streets soon, as he did not know how much longer he could fool the medical officers at the Afghanistan base hospital into believing he still had both of his legs.

NORFOLK, VA—Pre-traumatic stress disorder, a future-combat-related psychological condition previously thought to afflict only young soldiers drafted against their will, is now found in growing numbers among National Guard members, Army, Navy, Marine, and Air Force reservists, semi-retired officers, and the newly recruited, according to a government study released Monday.

Marines prepare to be shipped off to Iraq

“When soldiers are put in the extreme situation of facing the possibility of large-scale death and shocking violence, many experience sleeplessness and outbursts of anger,” said Walter Reed Army Hospital psychologist Capt. Sidney Mullenthauer. “We’re seeing more victims experience vivid, ultra-realistic flash-forwards of roadside bombings that tear through a group of innocent children, or rocket attacks on their convoys that leave fellow soldiers charred and smoldering.”

“Many of these poor souls are forced to prelive, over and over again, a landmine blowing their legs off, or large pieces of shrapnel becoming lodged in the sides of fellow soldiers’ faces,” he added.

Army Pfc. Henry Gerard, 19, who suffers from acute Pre-TSD, said he blames the federal government for putting him in this mentally debilitating state.

“The government knows exactly what they intend to put me through, and they still haven’t done a damn thing about it, man,” said Gerard, who, nearly three weeks before reporting to Fallujah, suffers from nightmares in which his potential best friend is beheaded. “I can’t sleep, I can’t eat, my hands constantly shake. I’m going to a place where people I don’t even know will try to kill me. What the fuck?”

“I’m not the same man I once was,” Gerard said, adding that he spends every night drinking to drown out the screams and cries for help he expects to hear. “War is going to be hell.”

The study, conducted by the Department Of Future Veterans Affairs, found that 80 percent of part-time soldiers reported no signs of Pre-TSD while carrying out their obligatory one weekend of duty a month, but quickly developed severe symptoms upon receiving orders for active combat.

“This is also the first time we have observed both pre- and post-traumatic stress disorders occurring simultaneously,” said Mullenthauer, who explained that the phenomenon is found most often among reservists who have returned home after completing their tour of duty and before being called up for an extra assignment.

A growing number of reservists suffer from flash-forwards of gruesome urban combat in Iraq.

Researchers said the disorder can be brought on by the thought of holding a lifeless body in one’s hands, the unshakable sense of dread accompanying an imagined nighttime ambush, and the stress of realizing one will spend 18 to 24 months in a foreign land thousands of miles from home in which death or severe injury seem all but inevitable.

In addition, a significant number of those who will enter a war zone say they are plagued by repeated visions of atrocities, torture, and the CNN logo.

One reservist, who has chosen to take the disease head-on by reporting to Iraq on his scheduled date, is Pvt. Franklin Mitchell, 31, husband and father of two. According to Mitchell’s wife, Marian Mitchell, her husband’s Pre-TSD was brought on by the proto-memories of being taken hostage.

“At first, of course, he was excited to get some money for college to study computer programming,” Mitchell said. “But when he came home after learning he was going to Iraq, he broke into a cold sweat and grew extremely depressed remembering how he will eventually have to shoot and kill another human being at close range.”

Researchers have recently identified new segments of the population also considered to be at risk for Pre-TSD, including parents of children approaching military age, Iraqi citizens, and any person who watches more than three hours of television news per day.