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I recently started working for my pin. Anyone get their pin yet?

A Petty Officer Second Class, a First Class, and a Chief are off the ship together for lunch. While crossing a park they come upon an antique oil lamp. They rub it and a Genie comes out in a puff of smoke. The Genie says, “I can only grant three wishes, so I can give each of you just one.”

“Me first!” says the Petty Officer Second Class. “I want to be in the Bahamas, driving a speedboat, a beautiful woman at my side and not a care in the world.” Poof! He’s gone.

“Me next!” says the First Class. “I want to be in Hawaii, relaxing on the beach with my personal masseuse, an endless supply of pina coladas, and a beautiful woman.” Poof! He’s gone too.

“You’re next,” the Genie says to the Chief. The Chief cracks a nasty smile and says, “I want those two idiots back on the ship and turning-to, right after lunch.”

Fighter Jocks…

Q:    How can you tell if there’s a fighter pilot at your party?
A:    He’ll tell you.

Q:    How can you tell when your date with a fighter pilot is half over?
A:    He says, “But enough about me…  Wanna hear about my plane?”

Q:    What’s the difference between a jet engine and a fighter pilot?
A:    A jet engine will stop whining when you shut the plane down.

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Work or Play…

At a command picnic, a bunch of officers were standing around talking.  A Lieutenant said, “I think that making love is 80% fun and 20% work.”
A Commander responded by saying, “No, I think that making love is more work than that.  I would say that it is 60% fun and 40% work.”
Then a Captain said, “No, making love is definitely way more work than that.  I would say that it’s more like 20% fun and 80% work.”

They continued to discuss the matter for several minutes until a Chief walked by.  The officers called the Chief over to ask his opinion. The Captain said, “Chief, we’re having a discussion, and we’d like your input. The Lieutenant says that making love is 80% fun and 20% work.  The CDR thinks that making love is 60% fun and 40% work.  I say that making love is 20% fun and 80% work.  What’s your opinion?”

The Chief scratched his chin and said, “Sir, I think you’re all wrong. Making love must be 100% fun, because if there was any work involved, you’d have an enlisted man doing it for you!”

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Navy Boot Camp

As a group recruits stood in formation in Great Lakes, the Recruit Division Commander (RDC) said, “All right! All you idiots fall out.” As the rest of the division wandered away, one recruit remained at attention. The RDC walked over until he was eye-to-eye with him, and then raised a single eyebrow.

The recruit smiled and said, “Sure was a lot of ‘em, huh, sir?”

Just before their first long deployment…

Just before their first long deployment, two Navy buddies were talking about the stress of leaving their families.

A Chief, veteran of many deployments, overheard the conversation and offered the some advice:

“You must be sensitive to your wives’ emotional needs,” he said. “Never, ever, whistle while you pack!”

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Mess Cake

The Chaplain had been assigned to the ship and he noticed how much grief the cooks caught from the crew and how they gave back as much as they got. He talked to the Food Service Officer and decided to talk to the cooks and get them to be more cheerful when they served the meals to the sailors coming down the line. A smile and a cheerful comment, a willingness to serve them will reap great benefits he told them. After his pep talk the Food Service Officer and the Chaplain stood back and watched the food being served.

A new sailor aboard walked down the line but he didn’t like anything he saw so he just carried his tray down the line till he got to the desert section. He picked up a saucer containing a large piece of chocolate cake. The Mess Specialist looked at him, “Is that all you’re gonna eat?” he asked.

The sailor said, “Yeah, the rest of it don’t look too appetizing.”
The Mess Specialist smiled and said, “Well, in that case would you like two pieces of cake?”
The Chaplain smiled and nudged the Food Service Officer in the ribs, “I told you my talk did them some good.”

The kid said, “Yeah, man, I’d appreciate it.”
The cook leaned over and cut the piece of cake on the tray in half.

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The Five Most Dangerous Things You’ll Ever Hear in the US Navy…

A Seaman saying, “I learned this in Boot Camp…”

A Petty Officer saying, “Trust me, Sir…”

A Lieutenant JG)saying, “Based on my experience…”

A Lieutenant saying, “I was just thinking…”

A Chief chuckling, “Watch this shit…”