JimNavy.com

During training exercises, the Ensign who was driving down a muddy back road encountered another jeep stuck in the mud with a red-faced Lt. Commander at the wheel. ‘Your jeep stuck, sir?’ asked the Ensign as he pulled alongside. ‘Nope,’ replied the Lt. Commander, coming over and handing him the keys, ‘Yours is.’

A defense contractor finally succeeded in building a computer capable of solving the most complex naval warfare problems. The top Navy brass assembled around the new machine and were instructed to feed a difficult tactical problem into it. They described a complex hypothetical battle situation to the computer and then asked the pivotal question, “Should our forces attack or retreat?”

The computer hummed and beeped for about an hour, and finally printed out an answer, “Yes.”

The admirals stared at each other, mystified by the response.

Finally, one of them submitted a second request to the computer, “Yes what?”

The computer responded instantly, “Yes, Sir!”

A young Ensign approached a crusty old Master Chief and asked about the origin of the commissioned officer insignias.

“Well,” replied the Master Chief, “the insignias for the Navy are steeped in history and tradition. As an Ensign, we give you a gold bar, representing that you are very valuable but also malleable. The silver bar of a Lieutenant Junior Grade also represents significant value, but is less malleable. Now, when you make Lieutenant, your value doubles, hence the two silver bars. As a Captain, you soar over the common sailors, hence the eagle. And when you make Admiral, you are obviously a star. Does that answer your question?”

“Yes, Master Chief,” replied the young Ensign. “But what about Lieutenant Commanders and Commanders?”

“That, Sir, goes waaaay back in history – back to the Garden of Eden. You see, we’ve always covered our pricks with leaves.”